Past the Surface
by Rosa Nicole
Summary: Draco Malfoy thinks about Hermione, his family, Voldemort, and his outlook on life.


Past the Surface  
By: Rosa Nicole  
  
Just because I stare.  
It doesn't mean that I'm not human.  
It doesn't mean that I'm not scared.  
  
Draco watched her walk down the hall. He watched her everyday. That thick hair, and those carmel eyes, talked to him in a way that nothing else did. Of course she never noticed him. Hermione Granger had friends and a future. She had a life.   
  
And I can't help it when I cry.  
When I see that look it your eye,  
I want to die.  
  
So many times Draco had silently wept into his pillow. Every time Hermione even bothered to look at him, it was with scorn or distaste. Draco had messed up his first year at Hogwarts. He had just done what his father told him to do. He did what all the other Slytherins did. He let hate fill his heart.  
  
But why do I scream when I'm alone?  
I don't understand, because laughter makes me nervous,  
And it's voices I can't stand.  
  
Draco hated being with the Slytherins, because they were so cold and cruel. He wanted so much to be with Hermione, but she couldn't stand him. No one could, and Draco didn't blame them. He blamed himself.  
  
I close my eyes, but  
I can't take away the images,  
The words that circle my brain.  
  
Yes, Draco had tried to commit suicide before, but he didn't have the guts to. Draco called himself a coward for not being able to do away with his own life. But then again, maybe he was brave enough to go on living.   
  
I hate laughter,  
But It's better than the cold silence.  
  
Drcao saw them almost every day. In fact, he made a point to. Harry, Ron, and best of all, Hermione. They were his role models. Draco was so jealus of them. He hated to see them laughing, because it reminded him of his own misery. He didn't like the laughter, but it was better than being alone with himself.  
  
When I'm alone in a dark room,  
With nothing to wish for, nothing to hope for,  
I'll try to find an open window,  
And breathe in the light that seeps through.  
  
Draco remembered the dungeons back at home. He often had to go down there. His whole family seemed to enjoy the darkness. Draco didn't. He often pondered about running away from home, but he never did. In a way, Hogwarts was kind of like a temporary savior. But it never lasted. Nothing ever did.  
  
And I'll escape.  
I'll break the glass and fly on my own wings.  
Why do I keep on feeling?  
Because I can't help I care.  
  
No one noticed Draco. No one even cared that he was there. He was nothing to his family, and the greatest love of his life.  
  
But I care so much.   
The louder I scream the less you hear.  
  
Draco wished, and hoped, and dreamed, that one day, Hermione would see him. Really see him. Maybe one day she would look past the false outer shell, and see the real him.  
  
And you never heard. And you never cared.  
  
Draco stopped believing a long time ago. If you don't allow yourself to feel, you will never get hurt.  
  
Your love won't heal me,  
But it will dry my tears.  
  
If only someone, anyone in the world would love him, there might be a sliver of hope for Draco. Draco knew that his mother and mother didn't love him. His only hope was to find love at Hogwarts.   
  
Stop twisting the knife!  
Believe it or not, I have feelings.  
  
"Can't you see Hermione! I'm a human. We all make mistakes! Can't you see that I love you?" Maybe Hermione wasn't as clever as Draco thought.  
  
I'm not supposed to show them,  
But my emotions are overflowing.  
I try to keep them inside,  
But my soul has died.  
  
Draco's father had sucked the life out of him a long time ago. The day he declared that he supported Voldemort.  
  
They say it's in my blood.  
Maybe that's why it keeps flowing.  
I want to get rid of the evil.  
It wants to get rid of me.  
  
Everyone in Draco's heritage had been on the dark side. Was he strong enough to break the chain? A scared 15-year old who was all alone in his inner battle.  
  
Am I supposed to follow?  
I'm not blind. I have a mind.  
  
"I won't go along with you father! I don't want to kill! I want to love!"  
  
After everything I've been through,  
I hate everything you do.  
I hate everything you believe in.  
  
"You don't have to love me. Please, just don't hate me."  
  
You never heard. And you never cared. 


End file.
